Double Team

Dennis Rodman (1997)

Honestly, we hate on Jean-Claude Van Damme too much. Even though the Muscles from Brussels snorted his career away some time ago, he’s fueled an inordinate number of ScreenGrab posts. So we’ll give him a little break this time and note that he was far from the worst thing in the abysmal Double Team. No, that honor goes to Dennis Rodman, the flamboyant, hair-dying, Madonna-dating, wedding-gown wearing, practice-skipping erstwhile NBA power forward (ignore the five Championship rings) who took this lame excuse for an action flick into stratospheric levels of crazy-bad. (Mickey Rourke, then at the height of his creepy plastic stalker phase, didn’t help much either.) You’d think Rodman, as a be-spandexed arms dealer, might have tried to have fun with his ridiculous role — indeed, you’d think that all those dives he took in the NBA would have prepped him for performing in general — but the smirking playfulness that had served him so well in pro basketball didn’t quite work this time. How Michael Jordan ever tolerated this clown for so many years, we’ll never understand.